Funny Makeup Contouring Video the Souls of Your Ex Lovers
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Contouring 101 - Sailor J
I watched this gem recently. It is still very funny
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Sero: Who needs air when I have another man's money? Kami: You want to look like a pterodactyl. Men love pterodactyls! *Inhuman screeching* Bonus! The rest of the class has no fucking clue what's going on. Kami: CALL ME RIHANNA! Mido: Why?!? Ashi: Men are stupid. So long as you look like a newborn baby they're willing to meet with you. Rest of the class: ?!?!?! 2/2
DJSFAHKHGG BAKUSQUAD CONSTANTLY QUOTING SAILOR J IS CANON AND I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYONE SAYS
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Contouring 101 Sentence Starters
Based on this video, have an array of sentences to kickstart any potential interaction! If sent to a multi-muse be sure to specify the muse it's intended for!
"Find yourself a husband!"
"What can I say? I'm a fountain of wisdom."
"That one hurt my feelings a little bit, I'm not going to lie."
"Makeup is for women who want husbands. Contouring is for women who want to leech the souls of their dead lovers and collect the inheritance of their dead boyfriend who disappeared under mysterious circumstances."
"If men find out we can rearrange the bones of our face we're finished."
"Perhaps in a better world women wouldn't feel like they have to contour."
"Seeing as it has nothing to do with experimentation! Artistry! Since it's simply for the dick we have to do it."
"But it doesn't matter, because men are stupid!"
"I regret buying both."
"I must warn you, the transition from beginning to end might be startling."
"First things first; check your flesh!"
"If the men find out we can shapeshift they're going to tell the church!"
"Men will be bewitched and hand over their wallets!"
"If you have too big of a brain it means you have ugly things like opinions and thoughts of your own."
"Lady gladiators fight like giraffes, scamming these poor fragile men."
"Who wants to give me their money?"
"It is a sponge drenched with the power of Satan."
"Ready to take some fucking souls and ruin some GOD DAMN LIVES."
"Men will die tonight."
"What a fucking disguise this is!"
"Women are dangerous creatures."
"Give me your wallet."
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-"Makeup is for women who want husbands. Contouring is for women who want to leech the souls of their dead lovers, and collect the inheritance of their ex-boyfriends, who disappeared under mysterious circumstances."
-"IF MEN FIND OUT WE CAN SHAPESHIFT, THEY'RE GOING TO TELL THE CHURCH!"
- "You want to look like a pterodactyl. Men love pterodactyls!"
- "Rich people don't need to breathe."
- "Lady gladiators fight like giraffes."
"It is a sponge...drenched with the power of Satan..."
(these are all quotes from the video "Contouring 101″. If you haven't seen it, YOU MUST)
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"It is a sponge. Drenched in the power of Satan." - jack / lets be real rapture would have something like that
some sailor j starters
"….since when do strawberries contain the power of satan? i just wanna eat my strawberry shortcake in peace, jack. quit bein' weird about it."
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Envy probably had to learn makeup or at least how makeup worked on a face before shapeshifting and honestly every time I think of Envy doing makeup I think of Contouring 101:
"IF THE MEN FIND OUT WE CAN SHAPESHIFT THEY'RE GOING TO TELL THE CHURCH."
"Who needs AIR when I have another. man's. money?"
"You want to eliminate the nose. Men will be bewitched and hand over their wallets. Men don't like nostrils."
"I also bought this at the store, because I saw a white woman use it on youtube. And we're blending. It is a sponge. Drenched with the power of Satan. Ready to take some motherfucking souls and ruin some GODDAMN LIVES!"
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some sailor j starters
GETTING A MAN 101
"The first thing you want to do is hide the fact that you have human flesh."
"-They're gonna know your a witch."
"Men can not know we don't sleep."
"They're looking at necks now. They're learning!"
"I am poor."
"I use this often because I'm tired."
"A man is going to find me and think, "Wow. A woman born with gold eyelids.""
"If you change it up on them, they'll get frightened. They'll realize you bamboozled them."
"BLUE IS NOT GONNA GET ME PREGNANT!"
Contouring 101
"What can I say? I'm a fountain of wisdom."
"Contouring is for women who want to leech the souls of their dead lovers, and collect the inheritance of their ex-boyfriends who disappeared under mysterious circumstances."
"Since it's simply for the dick we have to do it."
"I regret buying both."
"As you can see here, I have no flesh."
"If the men find out we can shape shift, they're going to tell the Church!"
"Men will be bewitched and hand over their wallets."
"Scamming these poor, fragile men."
"It is a sponge. Drenched in the power of Satan."
"Ready to take some fucking souls and ruin some GODDAMN LIVES!"
"I have shape-shifted!"
"Men will die tonight."
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PJO Characters Described Through Quotes From Sailor J's Contouring Video
Annabeth: "What can I say? I'm a fountain of wisdom."
Frank: "FRONT PAGE NEWS! I HAVE SHAPESHIFTED!"
Nico: "Ready to take some fucking souls, and ruin some GODDAMN LIVES!!!"
Hazel: "Men will be bewitched and hand over their wallets."
Piper: "I don't know if you put your contouring on before the rest of your makeup or after the rest of your makeup, but it doesn't matter; because men are stupid."
Reyna: "Lady gladiators fight like giraffes"
Percy: -SNEEZES LOUDLY- "HERE I COME, WORLD!"
Leo: "Women are dangerous creatures."
Rachel: "I had to pretend I was schizophrenic so he'd think I was playing in cat shit and he'd leave me alone."
Drew: "Contouring is for women who want to leech the souls of their dead lovers and collect the inheritance of their ex boyfriends who disappeared under mysterious circumstances."
Jason: "Am I Megan Fox? No one knows!"
Bianca: "First you must check your flesh. As you can see here; I have no flesh."
Thalia: "We might as well PACK OUR BAGS AND GO TO THE NUNNERY!"
Tyson: "Get yo goddamn teeth fixed, you snaggle-toothed ass bitch!"
Grover: "I must warn you, the transition from beginning to end might be startling."
Clarisse: "Men will die tonight."
Silena: "So long as you look like a newborn baby they are willing to mate with you."
Luke: "It is a sponge, drenched with the power of SATAN."
Calypso: "That one hurt my feelings a little bit, I'm not going to lie."
LINK TO THE VIDEO: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJaaLXZwmsU
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Constance: I also bought this, from the store. Because I saw a white woman use it on YouTube once.
Constance: It is a sponge.
Constance: Drenched with the power of Satan.
Constance: Ready to take some f*cking souls and ruin some gODDAMN LIVES!!
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Contouring 101 (feat. Lovestruck's MC's)
Quotes come directly from the masterpiece that is Contouring 101 by the amazing Sailor J.
GIL MC: "Makeup is for women who want husbands. Contouring is for women who want to leech the souls of their dead lovers and collect the inheritance of ex-boyfriends who disappeared under mysterious circumstances." Castaway! MC: "Perhaps in a better world women wouldn't feel like they had to contour. Seeing as it has nothing to do with experimentation or artistry. SINCE IT'S SIMPLY FOR THE DICK, we have to do it." HILF MC: "I don't know if you're supposed to put your contour on before the rest of your makeup or after the rest of your makeup, but it doesn't matter, because men are stupid. As long as you look like a newborn baby, they are willing to mate with you." SP MC: "Men don't like nostrils. You want to look like a pterodactyl. Men love pterodactyls." SP MC: [screeches] AFK MC: "If you have too big of a brain it means you have ugly things like opinions and thoughts of your own." ST MC: "Schaming these poor, fragile men. Next thing you know we'll be doing things like wearing deodorants and bras." VN MC: "CALL ME RIHANNA!" L&L MC: [holding up a beauty blender] "It is a sponge drenched with the power of Satan. Ready to take some fucking souls and ruin SOME GODDAMN LIVES."
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Sailor J's Contouring 101 Sentence Meme
"What can I say? I'm a fountain of wisdom."
"Get yo goddamn teeth fixed, you snaggle-toothed ass bitch!"
"That one hurt my feelings a little bit, I'm not going to lie."
"I'm too poor for dental work, but I'm not too poor to contour!"
"Makeup is for women who want husbands."
"Contouring is for women who want to leech the souls of their dead lovers and collect the inheritance of their ex boyfriends who disappeared under mysterious circumstances."
"If the men find out we can rearrange the bones of our face, we're finished."
"We might as well PACK OUR BAGS AND GO TO THE NUNNERY!"
"Since it's simply for the dick, we have to do it."
"I don't know if you put your contouring on before the rest of your makeup or after the rest of your makeup, but it doesn't matter; because men are stupid."
"So long as you look like a newborn baby they are willing to mate with you."
"I must warn you, the transition from beginning to end might be startling."
"First you must check your flesh. As you can see here; I have no flesh."
"Once a man walked in on me while I was contouring."
"I had to pretend I was schizophrenic so he'd think I was playing in cat shit and he'd leave me alone."
"If the men find out we can shapeshift, they're going to tell the church!"
"Men will be bewitched and hand over their wallets."
"Men don't like nostrils."
"You want to look like a Pterodactyl. Men LOVE Pterodactyls."
*Pterodactyl screech*
"Beautiful women don't have foreheads."
"If you have too big of a forehead it means you have ugly things like opinions and thoughts of your own."
"Rich people don't NEED to breathe."
"Who needs air when I have another man's money?"
"A cheekbone that can cut through glass!"
"Lady gladiators fight like giraffes"
"Next thing you know we'll be doing things like wearing deodorants and bras."
"Who wants to give me their money?"
"Where's my nose? I don't know."
"Does she have nostrils? No she doesn't. She's above her peers."
"CALL ME RIHANNA!"
"I also bought this at the store because I saw a white woman use it on youtube."
"It is a sponge, drenched with the power of SATAN."
"Ready to take some fucking souls, and ruin some GODDAMN LIVES!!!"
"I look like a completely different person."
"FRONT PAGE NEWS! I HAVE SHAPESHIFTED!"
"I don't even know who I am anymore."
"Men will die tonight."
"Face of a stranger!"
"What a fucking disguise this is."
"Am I Megan Fox? No one knows!"
"Women are dangerous creatures."
-SNEEZES LOUDLY- "HERE I COME, WORLD!"
"Dangerous! Bamboozling! Deceiver!"
-loudly and off key-"WHEN WILL MY REFLECTION SHOW~?!"
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Item: A sponged, drenched in the power of Satan
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Steph: I also bought this, at the store, because I saw a white woman use it on YouTube
Tim: And we're blending
Steph: It is a sponged
Tim: *fish lips and internally screaming*
Steph: Drenched with the Power of Satan
Tim: *gurgling noise*
Steph, while blending her jaw line: Ready to take some fucking souls and ruin some gOD DAMN LII I I I I I IVES
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some pls... i'm begging you.... draw lup doing the contouring 101 video..... my crops are dying.....
there's no way "this is a sponge drenched with the power of satan" isn't something lup would say
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SAILOR J SENTENCE MEME
check out their youtube channel here!
I'm too poor for dental work.
So long as you look like a newborn baby men are willing to mate with you.
If the men find out we can shape shift they're going to tell the church.
Beautiful women don't have foreheads.
If you have too big a brain it means you have ugly things like opinions and thoughts of your own.
Rich people don't need to breathe.
CALL ME RIHANNA
I bought this at the store because I saw a white woman use it on youtube.
It is a sponge.
Who needs air when I have another man's money?
Since it's simply for the dick, we have to do it.
Contouring is for women who want to leech the souls of their dead lovers and collect the inheritance of their ex boyfriends who disappeared under mysterious circumstances.
As you can see here, I have no flesh.
Men will be bewitched and hand over their wallets!
You want to be a pterodactyl. Men love pterodactyls.
Equality? Not for us!
Who wants to give me their money?
Drenched with the power of Satan, ready to take some fucking souls, and ruin some GODDAMN LIVES.
Am I Beyoncé? Am I Megan Fox? No one knows.
Give me your wallet.
So the first thing you want to do is hide the fact that you have human flesh.
If it rubs off on anything, they're going to know you're a witch.
They're looking at necks now! They're learning!
No one wants a wife with patchy brows.
A man is going to find me and think, 'wow, a woman born with gold eyelids.'
If you pick a color, you cannot pick another one. If you change it up on them, they'll get frightened.
Who needs vision when you have a man?
It's fucking October, but bitch, I'm still tan!
This color in particular is called 'women don't need to vote.'
I CAN SEE YOUR FUCKING ACHILLES TENDON.
We have to be able to build our own lollipop guild!
I wear sweaters in July because I respect myself.
I would rather die of heat stroke than let a man think I don't respect myself.
Men don't like it when women have nipples.
Shaming my gender in the name of Jesus!
Ye who has nipples will burn in the lake of fire!
I don't even have a forehead because I am a woman of god.
MARRY ME!
You are a Ruth, lost in a sea of people who need nutrition to live and want to vote.
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sa.ilor j video sentence starters jfc
"I am riled up."
"I don't have the self confidence to chill the fuck out."
"I have 16 different battle plans and no way to execute any of them."
"I'm not saying it looks better on me than it looks on you, but it looks better on me than it does on you."
"I am pumped, I am ready to fucking go."
"Yeah I'm fit to lead, lead this party right into the fucking ground."
"You smell like beef."
"Don't make eye contact with me if you don't want to fight."
"Your hair is stupid."
"It's about as organized as my leadership skills."
"I'm gonna start my own fight garden, where everyone just comes to fucking fight."
"I got lots of plans. I'm not gonna accomplish half of them."
"In fact, I'm bored of this shit."
"I've lost interest."
"You know what? Lets fight."
"Okay, that shit looks weird so it looks like were going in the right direction."
"There's definitely aliens, and they're definitely coming for us."
"I don't wear eyelashes because they're bad for your nipples."
"Space is my true home."
"What do aliens fly in?? Spaceships."
"I'm feeling very extraterrestrial today."
"We are the aliens, this is their galaxy."
"I don't cry real tears because i don't know what emotions taste like."
"I don't care. I don't care about anything."
"What did ___ rap about? Spaceships."
"I want to stand out. I'm a rebel!"
"___ is an alien. S/HE'S HERE TO WARN US!"
"Why are you blinking so hard?"
"I feel nothing."
"I don't do makeup. I wake up looking like this."
"No one has complimented me in seven seconds."
"Ugly? I've never felt that in my life."
"There is nothing unique or extraordinary about me but I want you to pretend there is anyway."
"I'm also a compulsive liar but we don't talk about that."
"You don't like me? Fine. I like me. I love me."
"I'm a pretty calm person. I'm a pretty well balanced individual."
"Pink like the dawn of my uneccesary wrath."
"They'll never see the crazy coming."
"I'm feeling murderous today and I don't plan on taking responsibility for any of it."
"Off to catch a fucking liar!"
"What can I say? I'm a fountain of wisdom."
"That one hurt my feelings a little bit, I'm not going to lie."
"As you can see here, I have no flesh."
"Rich people don't need to breathe."
"Who wants to give me their money?"
"I also bought this at the store, because I saw a white woman use it on Youtube."
"It is a sponge. Drenched with the power of Satan."
"Ready to take some fucking souls, and ruin some GODDAMN LIVES."
"Men will die tonight."
"I've been eating cup noodles for the past eight days."
"I haven't slept in a week."
"My life is falling apart, it's over, in shambles."
"I cannot feel my own forehead."
"Why the FUCK everything cost money?!"
"You thought I wasn't wearing any makeup? Oh, bless your heart I'm just ugly."
"I can't face the world."
"You thought I was NAKED?? Guess again."
"I am a strong, fierce woman. And I have my life together."
"Shit kinda burns."
"MY SKIN IS BURNING!"
"Beauty is pain."
"I'm never wearing this shit again."
"Hold on I gotta Google it, because this cannot be normal."
"I cannot move, my face."
"I have one window. Welcome to it."
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"...a sponge drenched with the power of satan? oh no, honey, no."
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"If you have too big of a brain, it means you have ugly things... like opinions and thoughts of your own." ( aed with m u c h sarcasm )
Contouring 101 Sentence Starters
@rubiesintherough
Juliette let out a bark of a laugh. She was in the process of doing her makeup, in anticipation of a night out for the two of them. If anyone heard their banter, though, they would definitely be…confused. Julie had been teasing him all day about the leeches from the last time she was sick. Now? Well, they were just being foolish.
She paused, holding a makeup brush in her hand as she pouted her lips and peered at his reflection from her vanity mirror.
"What a disguise this is! Women are dangerous creatures!"
Julie giggled the entire time and returned to the task of applying her makeup. Of course, they just could not behave, and when she picked up her blending sponge, she made eye contact with Aedus again, now grinning wildly.
"It is a sponge drenched in the power of Satan."
With that, she nearly flung herself out of her chair, shrieking and laughing as she lunged at Aedus with the beauty blender.
"Accept Satan into your life, Aedus! Accept him!"
They were idiots.
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Contouring 101 with a vampire
Kat: contouring is for women who want to leach the souls of their dead lovers and collect the inheritance of their ex-boyfriends who disappeared under mysterious circumstances.
Kat: *contouring her face* if men find out we can shape shift, they are going to tell the church.
Kat: *using her beauty blender sponge* this is a sponge, drenched with the power of Satan *using it on her face* ready to take some fucking souls and ruin some gOD DAMN LIVES
Kat: *admiring her work* women are dangerous creatures
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christensenaladvid.blogspot.com
Source: https://www.tumgir.com/tag/it%20is%20a%20sponge%20drenched%20with%20the%20power%20of%20satan
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